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Posts Tagged ‘Reiki’

Most of the people that know me would tell you I am a pessimist and have a negative attitude. I can’t argue with that. I’m not sure when or how it started but the last several years have been very negative ones. I’m not unhappy. I have been divorced since 2000 and have been quite content. I’m healthy, have a job that pays the bills, enjoy two grown children and a new granddaughter. I have a partner that is more than generous and loves me way more than I deserve. Yet I fight with a negative attitude more often than I would like.

However, I am aware of this fault and have been making a serious effort to turn myself into a positive person and one that others want to spend time with. I meditate and do Reiki in an attempt to attract and accept positive energy and attitudes and release and let go of the negative energy that seems to exist within me. Unfortunately, today is a very negative day.

I think it started with the fact that I will spend a significant portion of my savings to put K-1 fuel into my tank for the winter heating season at a cost of $4.48 a gallon. In April I bought 100 gallons at $3.99 which used up all of the money that I had set aside for that purpose. I didn’t fill up then because I thought the price would drop once the heating season was over and summer arrived. I was wrong. My tank is 275 gallons and although I’m not sure just how much I will need to fill the tank, it will be near 200 gallons.

I’m discouraged, angry and quite frankly, scared. While I set aside $20 every week for gasoline, I’m using that and more every week. What happens next year when I actually don’t have the money in my account to buy winter fuel?

On top of that, the weather report for this week suggests that it will be near 60* on Wednesday with rain. However, over the weekend when I’m scheduled to work, it is predicted to be sunny and in the 80’s. It never fails (that would be the negative attitude rearing its ugly head) that my four days off don’t have great weather and the best weather of the week is on the days I’m working. I spend the entire winter waiting for summer, then work on many of the best days. It has been a cool spring, lasting into June and I fear that it will be one of those summers that just never gets started and is over before it begins.

On a positive note, I got a lot done today. First of all, I had coffee with Su, having not seen her for more than three weeks. She is battling severe depression and I wish there was something I could to help. I ran errands, did some work in my checkbook, paid some bills, sent some birthday and encouragement cards and got some of the plants I took from Bill’s into the ground. I spent some time raking up all of the “tree debris” that continues to fall everywhere! It covers the gardens, the patio, the plants, everything. It’s disgusting to say the least. On top of the mess it makes, it stains the patio pavers. This is the second time I have raked and it won’t be the last. I ended up with a pile that was at least 3′ square. I wanted to take a picture but was so anxious to get it all picked up I totally forgot. I watered the gardens and had 20 minutes left to sit in the sun before getting ready for work.

Maybe I just needed to get that out of my system. Each night I take the time to list at least five things for which I’m thankful. I never have trouble filling the list. I complained today about things that don’t really matter so why do I get so angry and negative? I don’t have an answer but I will continue to work on being positive and it appears that I have a lot of work to do.

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It must have been a frightening day yesterday for Greg and Vanessa. After talking with Greg this morning, I learned that not only was Vanessa dilated 1 cm. but she was also having contractions 1 – 3 minutes apart. Vanessa is wearing a contraction monitor but the report on the baby is that she is doing fine and is not under any stress. They have placed Vanessa on magnesium to stop the contractions and today everything seems to be okay. She has also received two injections of medication that will boost the baby’s lung development. Vanessa will continue on the medication until Friday, at which time they will stop the meds and she how she does. If everything is stable she will return home on Saturday to complete bed rest for 4 weeks. At this time she is 30 weeks along. If she deliver prior to 32 weeks, she will have to be moved to Brigham & Women’s Hospital in Boston as her hospital does not have the facilities to care for a baby that premature. However, if she does not deliver until after 32 weeks, she will be able to stay at the current hospital.

Greg sounds good and says he is doing okay. He will be working from home today and will go into the hospital to spend the evening with Vanessa, same routine tomorrow assuming everything remains stable. I spent some time this morning sitting quietly and sending Reiki to the three of them. Wendy was pretty upset when I talked to her this morning. She is working so that should keep her mind occupied most of the day.

I’m going to make a cup of coffee and head upstairs to the sewing machine to work on Wendy’s baby quilt. The weather today is beautiful; sunny skies, a little breeze and already 54* at 10:30. If I work fast enough on the quilt I may be able to get a walk in this afternoon.

I did go for a wonderful walk to the grocery store and back. I wasn’t sure how warm it would be so I wore long pants, a long sleeve shirt and a fleece jacket. The jacket ended up wrapped around my waist very quickly and I was very “dewy” by the time I returned home. It felt so good to be outside getting some exercise.

I spent the rest of the day finishing up the quilting and was going to try to get the binding on before I went to bed; however, by the time it reached 11:30 PM I decided I had to get to bed. Tomorrow’s another day…

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