Anticipation to Trepidation

This is my second post today but I need to get this off my chest.  I have posted several times about my desire to retire in the fall.  As of today, my countdown clock says I have 186 days until I work my last shift.  I listed my condo last fall and it remains on the market today, with only one offer in December and it was laughable.  I have lowered the price $10,000 and still no one is looking.  I have taken new photos and had them posted on the real estate website.  Still…nothing.  I have had the realtor rewrite the description on the website in order to highlight some of the remodeling and updates that have been done.  Nothing! I cannot afford to give the place away; nor can I afford to retire if it isn’t sold.  What a dilemma.

I was counting down the days with anticipation, excited as I got closer and closer to 8 months, then 7, finally 6 as of tomorrow.  Now that I’m down to six months, I look at the number of days till retirement and dread seeing the number get smaller and smaller.  There’s no excitement or anticipation, just dread as I look ahead and see an economy that’s in the toilet, people losing their homes to foreclosure everywhere, the unemployment numbers rising and few if any people buying property.

Being a firefighter is a young person’s job; I will be 60 in 3 1/2 months.  This is a very physically demanding job.  There are issues here that are on hold because I will be leaving soon and there’s no sense stirring the pot.  However, I know that if I don’t leave, these issues will have to be dealt with and I probably won’t like the outcome.  I know it is time for me to move on.  I know the days will continue to dwindle.  I know spring will come, followed by summer (yeah) and then fall.  I know I will eventually retire, maybe not 6 months, maybe not 8 but sooner or later, I will sell my property and I will say goodbye to the fire department.  What causes me fear and anxiety is the uncertainty of when.  How much longer will I have to stay because I can’t afford to leave?

I know there is someone out there that will buy my condo so I’m putting it out to the Universe to bring them to me.

Thanks for stopping by…